https://medium.com/embrace-race/when-the-racist-is-someone-you-know-and-love-2933c7049182
The link above is a story of awakening and finding one’s power. But I have to say it irritated me as I read it. I read it impatiently because it started with an incident where a person referred to Black people as N–g-r and the writer did nothing. Quoting her, “I let it slide. I let him believe it was safe to speak to me that way.
“I grew angry. I asked myself, “Did I really need to read this story?”
My people, Black people, are called that word every day. Good White people let it slide every day. And every day, letting it slide impacts me and people who look like me.
Spurred by the title and perhaps waiting for the redemption narrative which had to come to make the piece worth writing, I read on. I think that the expectation that by the end, I am supposed to be proud of the writer overcoming her fears irritated me most.
By the time I reached the end of the story, I was not surprised by it. I am happy that the author’s journey took her to a place where she can speak out against injustice and bigotry. It is an inspiring story, and her experiences wide-ranging. Her life is a book to write. I also realized that I’m not the essay’s audience. It is intended to help people who aren’t able to speak up. But it was good for me to read for two reasons. It reminded me to be humble. As a man, how many times have I let it slide when one of my friends or other men said, something sexists? How many times have I participated in sexists behavior? I can’t be too self-righteous. Sometimes I am the writer.
The piece also reminded me that I need to have patience with people as they attune themselves to their inner voice, telling them to stand up for justice. And as infuriating as it is that “Good” people who know something is wrong let it slide every day, I cannot hold anger about it. I can be angry for a time. But keeping anger does nothing for them or me.
People need acceptance and space. That is human. Like the author, we usually look to find it first with our families and then our friends. It is terrifying to lose those connections. Keeping connections may mean letting racists, homophobic, and bigoted comments slide. It might mean allowing oneself to let it slide with strangers so that it is easier to let it slide when family and friends say things.
As a peacemaker and justice seeker, it is my responsibility to give people strength and help them find their power, not beat them up. I must help them see it’s OK at times to make Thanksgiving dinner uncomfortable. You don’t need to alienate your family. Loving accountability is an art that takes patience and practice. But if friends and family need reminding that bigotry and xenophobia are wrong, we must do it. Yes, we may pay a price, but if we don’t, someone else will. And that price for the oppressed can be their death.
Know there are communities of people who will embrace and accept you as we struggle together against xenophobia, racism, patriarchy, and all forms of bigotry. You are not alone. Perhaps most important, standing up for justice is a liberation that is part of the journey to being fully human. Embrace it.
Thanksgiving Dinner: Challenging Racism in White Relationships is a workshop by Visionary Organizing Lab. Follow this link to learn more about the event. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/thanksgiving-dinner-challenging-racism-in-white-relationships-tickets-73273676539
Visionary Organizing Lab on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/visionaryorganizinglab
